Denis Joseph Nexum Hardware.

Stick Red

The Xbox 360 and the Reverent Red Ring of Death - Overheating Sold Seperately

We, Xbox 360 flunkies, are FULLY aware of the vile, Red Ring of Death and its voracious appetite for our patience. I think I speak for us all when I scream from the top of my lungs from the comfort of my couch that “Enough Is Enough”!

Oh, how I love seeing that glow in the dark red ring and the lovely assortment of lights, as they flash and pulsate their trouble codes to me. The 3 red light error. I just sit on my couch and daze off into this Red Ring of Death and get lost in its color and light show. Almost the same as a child would watch the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree.

Unlike the child, however, I am not sitting and watching in awe and utter amazement. No, I’m staring, taking deep breathes, counting to ten, putting myself in some far away “happy place”, every single exercise that my 1st grade teacher, even my grandmother, taught me when I was young to calm down when I got mad.

It’s not working. It’s sooooo not working. I just keep wishing that this Xbox had a soul. A soul would suggest having feelings, which would further suggest it having a sense of pain. A pain I would love to inflict on it.

So, I just sit and stare, grind my teeth and clinch my fists. And when my blood’s temperature lowers from a near Chernobyl like, nuclear meltdown level, I will search for a solution. One that doesn’t equal shipping my Xbox back to Microsoft for nearly 2 months. One that doesn’t equal nearly $200 slide away from my near empty checking account (thanks expired warranty). One that doesn’t mean carelessly sticking my fingers into the console. I know that I will stick my fingers or a butter knife in it the second AFTER I plug it in. Remember Beeker from the Muppet Show? Ouch.

I could try the infamous “terry towel wrap” trick, but I would soon rather beat my Xbox into a fine powder with a heavy brick than risk the chance of burning my house down. The Talking Heads (80’s band) sang “Burning Down The House” as a possible prediction of me and this very moment. And possibly not only catching my house on fire, but half of my neighborhood as well. I have a habit of panic, and I can see myself spreading flames to the other homes on my street in my wake, as I run kicking and screaming.

Unless I just electrocute myself. With any luck, the flames from my burning corpse would stay within the confines of my apartment. What a wonderful mental image. Note to self: “Keep fingers out of Xbox 360”

So, after I’ve practiced grandma’s “calm down” therapy for the ump-teenth time, I ran a search on the internet for a solution. I found myself getting quickly upset again in the fact that the only solution that I could find involved wrapping my Xbox 360 into a trillion towels to try to MAKE it overheat. Remember what our friends The Talking Heads warn? No way, that is just too stupid and risky.

I know lots of people have been successful with this practice. I also know that they have to make their little Xbox “cocoon” once a week or so, thanks to the inevitable return of the pesky Red Ring of Death.
There is other information out there that can be purchased, and they do in fact work very nicely. And best of all, they don’t involve directions that contain the word “overheat” or the words “significant risk of fire”. Unless of course, you like that DEEEEEP all over tan look, in which case, “Flame On!”

In ending, please put the towels and fire extinguisher away, and the heavy brick if you planned on taking things that far. The best thing that you can do to protect you from the Red Ring of Death is a pre-emptive one. BUY THE EXTENDED WARRANTY.

About the Author

Too late for the extended warranty? No fear. Put the towels back into your linen closet, you won’t need them. Make a trip online to our Red Ring of Death website and Fix the Red Ring of Death. The external solution waits within its pages. All directions are in easy to read and simple layman terms that anyone can understand.

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